Happy New Year!

Hey guys! Happy 2020! Hope you're all doing good. I didn't really do anything for the new year except stay up til midnight and also hear fireworks go off around my house. This month has been a struggle financially. I'll just leave it at that. I don't want to get into any specifics. I've been sleeping well at nights. That must be a sign that my medications are working. I'll usually use like two-10 milligrams of melatonin with it.

How I've Been

Hey guys! Hope you guys are doing good in whatever part of the world you're in where your reading this. I've had a bit of a roller coaster matter of months. Mostly on the downward part of said roller coaster. My grandmother had breast cancer surgery about no more than 3 months ago. She made it through the surgery fine but she has to have radiation treatments Monday through Friday for about six weeks and I think we're in the second or third week. The car that my mom and I drive and share has a radiator problem and it won't be until next month when we're able to fix it. Hopefully it is just a hose that has gone bad and needs another one. I know last night I felt depressed about some things. I don't know if it was because I was tired or what but my life could be just a bit better. I feel like these do help somewhat because it is like an interactive journal of sorts and I've had in the past moments where I've bottled up my emotions and have taken my anger out on people who didn't deserve it. My two different step-fathers would be the culprits behind me having to bottle my emotions. One of them choked my mother before my eyes, made me stay outside in 100+ degree temperature with the heat index being 110 or so. The reason I bring up the "stay outside" one is because there was a story going around that a person who was my age at the time stayed outside and died due to heat exhaustion. He whipped me with what you would consider a crude form of a tushie paddle because I would eat "his" food and lie about it. My second step-dad liked to make fun of my weight because I was and still am big. One night we were going to have shrimp po-boys and apparently when I put too much shrimp on my po-boy it was at that moment when he decided to call me a "f***ing pig". After he called me that, it was at that moment (or really about almost a minute after he called me that), he passed out onto the floor. This was a man who liked to smoke whenever he possibly could. Because of these two individuals, and I use that term very loosely, I have to go to a mental health facility. Don't get me wrong, I love going there, but it's just these two people knew what they were doing and they didn't even apologize for it, and it still gets me mad at times. Fixing to close this off. If you read this, think positive thoughts for me and if you have a relationship with God, please pray for me about that situations that I mentioned earlier please. Thank you.

A Christian who struggles with things like depression among other things

Well guys! Like I say, I'm a christian and I'm proud to be one. God is the one I lean on when I'm confused, angry, sad, depressed, and other things. Like many christian men out there, I struggle with sin. It's a struggle for me because I try to be perfect because scripture says "be perfect as our Father is perfect" but at the same time though it says in Romans "all have sinned, and fallen short of God's glory". Notice how it says "all". That means believers and non-believers alike. Does that mean that sin is an excuse? heck no! I struggle with sin daily not because I want to struggle with it, but because Satan attacks my mind with things that lure me from what God wants me to do. I know I that after I sin, I feel ashamed for doing it. I don't know if its God making me feel bad? I wouldn't be surprised. But I have been struggling with depression the past few years lately. Just some personal stuff with me. I have been abused as teenager by a step-father that I no longer have. Been ridiculed by a totally different step-father that I no longer have. I just feel blessed to know that I've been through that and that I can tell people of my experience and that it could help somebody out there. One of the things that has arisen from my struggle with depression is anger and my sleep. 

Hi!

Hey everyone! My name is Sean Idland. I was born in San Diego, California but I now live in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. I currently struggle with pervasive developmental disorder, or pdd for short. I have struggled with mental health my whole life starting with Asperger's Syndrome. My hobbies include listening to music, cooking, doing laundry, going to church, hanging out with friends, going to the movies, watching tv and netflix, exercising whenever I can. I became a Christ follower in 2004 when I was a freshman in high school. I also struggle with depression.